Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it is that quiet voice at the end of the day saying “I will try again tomorrow.” ~Mary Ann Radmacher
In general life around here really is pretty effing rosy. But there be dayzzzz, mamas. You know the ones. Where your lunarcycle and the childrens’ just don’t make beautiful music. More like screeching tires. And the reactions and tag and touch of emotions turns into the swirl of mama guilt and tenderness that you carry with each forward movement. A little bit pride, a little bit exhaustion, a little bit I just want some effing space. Then, in those shaky vulnerable moments of parenting, one of your usual outside triggers is pulled. An innocent (or perhaps not-so) comment from a stranger about something you love or the way you parent. Or, and this is a biggie for me, commentary about your business or you….and, just like that, derailed. Thrown off the tracks. It’s easily done on raw and ruddy days. Then the questions about what the hell am I doing here. Is it worth it. Does it make a difference? Who cares anyway? Maybe they are right….etc etc etc. Down the rabbit hole of self-doubt I fall.
But then. Then, I ‘steal’ a moment on instagram or facebook and someone posts something that feels just for me. Kelly Barton was my girl yesterday. Shot after shot and I felt like I was being bombarded with love-and-light-darts. Right to that raw place. And a shift is made. A teeny tiny one. Enough to make me look up from the mess and See again. Enough to pull me outside and sit with the trees. Enough to make me notice that my beautiful trees fall into the shadow too. Enough to make me look for the light that casts it. All just to remind me, I’m enough. I stand in shadow too. But, where there is shadow, there is always always light.
It seems like the blogs and instagrams aren’t real or fully authentic story is making its way around again. It ebbs and flows. Well, here’s my opinion. I tend to follow and fill my social media feeds with folks who are eager to share the beauty they see. It’s how I fill up. It’s how I connect. I am not on Mars. I fully understand that life can get messy. And boring. And down right irritating. I do read a few killer parenting and business blogs that are super great at bringing the shitty all into perspective, albeit in a funny and light way. But, if I find myself for a moment getting caught up in a fairy-tale longing for the beautiful stories of someone else’s life, I check in, step back, and recalibrate. I take responsibility for my thoughts and stories. Then, I get caught up in the truth of beauty and go looking for it in *my* day. My reality is that beauty does exist everywhere. In my world it is FULLY possible to have a shitty day and still see rainbows. In fact, it was all these folks, over the years who so completely celebrated the amazing and beautiful that inspired us that we could create a life that reflected the same. So thank you. Thank you to everyone who shares the beautiful and gorgeous side of life they see in the random moments of the day. Keep sharing it however you want, in your way. I for one, am a fan.
Here’s a little moment of beauty I was able to find at the end of my day.